Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
