I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
