There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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