a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
