Christians are straight up FREAKS
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
This house was built for laser tag.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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