New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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