Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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