Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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