um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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