why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
