i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
