I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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