Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
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