he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
