dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
