She announced her abortion via fbk
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
