My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
