if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
