Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
