he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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