well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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