I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
