PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
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I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
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I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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