I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
