Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
