I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Randomize
