I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
