watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
