Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
