I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
operation have a gay friend backfired
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
