He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
two words: eviction party
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
