The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
