I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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