You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
