you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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