you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
