I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
time to smoke my breakfast
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize