I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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