If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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