It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
