I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
