I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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