Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
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