my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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