you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
