He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
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im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I have feelings that need drinking.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
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me + whiskey = a bad person
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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