Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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