You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
