i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
