Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
