I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Randomize
