I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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