OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
