I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
