he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
