I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
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Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
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Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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