Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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