I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
