I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
