Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
i've created a new STD.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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