1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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