Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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