i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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