My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
