I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
