We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I party with great urgency now.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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