I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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