I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
